She Wasn't Here

Idul fitri is the one moment of the year when my family and I gather in our house, when we all spend our memorable holiday
This year we still had the same activities with last year
We still had the same food, same people visited us, same places to go
But I didn't feel like it was still the same.

Because she wasn't sat on that couch watching those bollywood movies
Because she wasn't wearing her beautiful match-colored clothes with her smell I remembered so strongly
Because she wasn't walking around with a stick she held on her hand
Because she wasn't asking me to sit next to her telling all those stories I've heard thousand times
Because she wasn't here, and she won't be here anymore
She already had a better place to stay, close to her husband, in heaven.

I love you, Nek.. I Love you so much.
I just never told you that.
If only I know that last year was the last time we met, I would have hold you as long as I could until your smell lingered on me.

You are the most respected, kind, caring and loving woman I've known.
Every single person in your life loves you.
We all so sad you've left. But we know your love never leave us alone. So do our love for you.

Please keep her happy close to you, God.
She deserved Your happiness, with grand father too.

I love you so much Nenek Bunda. :')

Lesson from Toys

I own Me

I'd like to share this very good writing through my blog.
so inspiring, so interesting, so independent :)


"I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me.
Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it.

I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice,
all my actions, whether they be to others or myself.
I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears.
I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.
Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me.
By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts.

I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me,
and other aspects that I do not know,
but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself,
I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do,
and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me.
If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded.

I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do.
I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive,
and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.
I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay."

- Virginia Satir (American Phychologist and Educator, 1916-1988)

Finally, Reality in July #2 : Sarjana Sosial!

Ada yang bilang gue itu banyak maunya.
Ada yang bilang hal2 yang gue lakuin suka ga ada gunanya.
Tapi gue bilang, kalo gue punya cita-cita, gue bisa dapetin itu.

Mungkin gue bukan termasuk orang yang hokinya gede, yang meskipun usahanya ga terlalu keras tapi bisa dapetin yang dia cita-citain.
Mungkin gue termasuk orang yang harus kerja keras, dari awal sampai akhir untuk bisa sampai ke cita-cita gue.
Tapi karena hal itupun, gue jadi menghargai bgt hal2 kecil yang gue lakuin, hal2 kecil yang kata orang ga ada gunanya.

Awal bulan Juli ini, selain cita2 gue dlm menari, cita2 paling penting gue alhamdulillah tercapai : jadi sarjana bidang PR.
Waktu kelas 2 SMP, nyokap gue cerita tentang salah satu tante gue yang kerjanya sebagai PR. Nyokap cerita kalo PR katanya kerjanya cocok sama gue yang suka jalan2, yang banyak ketemu dan jalin hubungan sama orang2.
Sejak itu, gue ngomong sm diri gue sendiri "ega mau sekolah PR. ega mau kuliah di UI terus ambil yang ada jurusan PR nya"

Masuk SMA 28, gue ngga ragu ambil IPS. jelass, supaya lebih fokus ambil kuliah komunikasi, dan bisa putus hubunga sama yang namanya fisika.
Mau masuk UI pun belajarnya ampun2an. Bokap ngga ngebolehin kuliah dimanapun kecuali UI. Tiap hari kerjaannya dibanding2in sm kakak yang udah duluan di Teknik Mesin UI.
Akhir tahun SMA kerjaannya bolak balik dari satu bimbel ke bimbel lain, pergi pagi pulang malem demi kuliah di UI. Alhamdulillah akhirnya diterima di Komunikasi UI

Kuliah di UI pun ngga semulus itu. Satu kelas pernah ngga lulus karena absen sampe 5 kali demi nari ke luar negeri. Satu kelas lain ngga lulus juga karna nilai UTS anjlokk. Ambil skripsi semeseter 7 ngga selese karena ngga bisa bagi waktu sama kerja part time di PR consultant.
Tapi akhirnya, here i am. lulus komunikasi UI tepat waktu dengan IP memuaskan.

Yang paling bikin puas dari hasil yang dicapai cuma satu : bikin bangga orang tua.
puas bgt bisa kasih hadiah orang tua anaknya berhasil jadi sarjana dengan ip diatas 3,5 (typically what parents want bgt yaah).

Kelulusan gue juga jadi hadiah buat almarhumah nenek tersayang. Terakhir kali bisa ngobrol, nenek nanyanya "kapan lulus" terus. Nenek, ega udah lulus, ini hadiah buat nenek :)

Lega juga rasanya bisa ngasih bukti ke diri sendiri kalo gue bisa bikin cita-cita gue jadi kenyataan.
Awal Juli ini gue udah dapet lebih dari cukup hadiah untuk diri sendiri.
Terima kasih, Tuhan

Ged. Komunikasi UI, 5 Juli 2011

Dream + Hardwork = Achievement
Family & Bestfriend Support + Achievement = Bless :)

Next destination: Bright career!

Finally, Reality in July #1 : Gandrung Eng Tay

"Aku pengen banget nari di GKJ"
"Suatu hari aku yang nari di panggung itu, ditonton sama keluarga sama temen2 aku"

... itu kata2 gue ke seorang teman. Kata2 yang keucap dengan gampangnya sambil berangan2.
sebenernya dalam hati, emang sepengen itu nari di gedung bersejarah macamnya Gedung Kesenian Jakarta.

Beberapa tahun setelah omongan penuh angan itu..

adegan "sulak" Gandrung Eng Tay

I turned my dream into reality :) 
I finally got this experience to be involved to one of this maestro's masterpiece.

1-2 Juli 2011 lalu, alhamdulillah  gue dapet kesempatan terlibat di karya 60 tahunnya pak de Dedy Luthan.
Bareng sama seluruh keluarga Dedy Luthan Dance Company, kita nyiapin mulai dari produksi sampe ke perintilan hari H nya bareng2.
 Judul Karyanya Gandrung Eng Tay, perpaduan tari Gandrung khasnya banyuwangi dengan dongeng klasik dari Cina tentang Sampek Eng Tay.

Bangga bgt rasanya bisa satu produksi bareng maestro2 asli Banyuwangi macamnya Mba Supinah lengkap dengan pemusik2nya.
Puas bgt rasanya bisa satu produksi bareng seniman dahsyat dari solo macamnya Pak Pebo (Eko Supendi), Mas Bobi, Mas Bendol, Mba Cahwati, dll
Seneng bgt rasanya bisa satu produksi sama jagoan teater macamnya Mas Didi Hasyim.
Adem bgt rasanya bisa menjalin hubungan keluarga yang makin dalemm sama DLDC
And biggest of all, puas bgt rasanya bisa bantuin Bude Elly D. Luthan sekecil apapun, dari awal sampai akhir karya ini.

Padahal, beberapa dari penarinya (terutama gue) bisa dibilang masih jauh dari layak buat tampil di karya besar gitu.dan Bude Elly, as always, make it happened. :)

Dan berasa lengkap bgt rasanya karya ini karna pertama kalinya gue nari komplit pake support keluarga dan sahabat2 tersayang.
It really did gave me more courage to achieve even more than this.

Tim Gandrung Eng Tay

semoga ini bukan yang pertama dan terakhir.
I'm going to dance some more :)

Dance, Dance, Dance!

Just found a super cool song by Lykke Li
Light tones, catchy lyrcis. Super!

Having troubles telling how I feel
But I can dance, dance and dance
Couldn't possibly tell you how I mean
But I can dance, dance, dance

So when I trip on my feet
Look at the beat
The words are, written in the sand
When I'm shaking my hips
Look for the swing
The words are, written in the air
 
Dance
I was a dancer all along
Dance, dance, dance
Words can never make up for what you do

Easy conversations, there's no such thing
No I'm shy, shy, shy
My hips they lie 'cause in reality I'm shy, shy, shy
 
But when I trip on my feet
Look at the ground
The words are, written in the dust
When I'm shaking my hips
Look for the swing
The words are written in the air

Dance
I was a dancer all along
Dance, dance, dance
Words can never make up for what you do
Dance, dance, dance

enjoy the song, enjoy your dance :)

Blast from the Past

These past few weeks, I was like living in a roller coaster.
I get up so high and fell down over and over again
I learned another lesson afterward
Ever heard people talking about missing something?

I found out that missing something doesn't always mean wanting the thing back again.

When people tell they miss something in their life, that doesn't always mean they want to get the thing back.
Maybe it's just because they like the feeling, the situation when they had the thing
Maybe it's just because they haven't felt like when they had the thing yet
Maybe it's just because the thing gave them sort of valuable experiences
Maybe it's just because the thing gave them precious moments..

But then, they'll realized some more things that make them don't want to get back

And when this happened, like happened to me.
We could only thank the past  for what they gave us.
And walk strongly.

Like an old saying :

Past is a nice place to visit, but not a place to stay.

So, thank you :)